I have been recently thinking about the stereotypes for feminists. We are all familiar with many of them--bra burners, angry unhappy career-hungry women who reject having a family, man-haters, women who have a lot of sex, "pro-abortion" women encouraging all women to not having children.
I recently went up to Ellensburg Washington to visit my grandmother for her 81st birthday. I love my grandmother; however, I find it extremely difficult to express my identity with her and the rest of my father's family for that matter. They are white, extremely conservative (one step up from the alt-right), "farm folk" and Trump supporters. I have never fully felt comfortable with them because they are extremely vocal about their hate for immigrants, for people of color, for liberals--in short, they are extremely vocal about their hate for every aspect of my identity. I think many times that the only reason they love me is because I came out light skinned with blue eyes, like my father, rather than dark skinned with brown eyes, like my Latina mother. I have always had to endure snide comments about my ethnicity and my Latinidad from them which, like a good and polite little girl I had to nod and smile to, later coming back home, crying to my mother, asking her why they hated who I was at my very core. Since coming to college, meeting and interacting with like-minded individuals, I have become more vocal about my anger for their hatred of anyone different than them. Instead of crying to my always comforting mother, I have begun to get into heated arguments with my "family" from any issues ranging from pro-choice, support of gay marriage, immigration reform, and most recently, feminism.
During my most recent visit to hicksville, my grandmother had her car towed to a service station, where she and I waited for about a half hour, while her tires were being replaced. We were both waiting inside the car as they replaced her tires. I noticed that there were about 10 men, working on her car, a small job needing only 1 person. I didn't think too much of it until after we left the service station. My grandmother remarked, "did you notice those darling men staring at you back there?" I replied that I felt extremely uncomfortable with that situation, that I felt objectified and couldn't stand that those men would make such an effort to do such a thing. My grandmother got angry with that comment and told me to stop being such a "goddamn femi-nazi." I looked at her in disbelief and anger and sat in silence, processing her comment. She went on saying that "boys will be boys Larissa, you should be flattered they looked at you. All women love attention from men and a lot of women are too ugly to get it! Feel proud." I didn't feel proud. I felt angry and sick to my stomach. Her argument, "boys will be boys" is the same logic that encourages rape culture in this country, its is the same logic that forces women to regulate what they wear and how they act, because boys can't help themselves! It is the same logic that sets women's liberation back centuries. I tried to explain to her that this was not sound logic. That she had offended me with that comment. But it was fruitless. She is elderly and I do not expect much change from her. Later on during my trip, my aunts and uncles asked me whether I had a boyfriend and when I responded that I did not, I received an array of comments on my relationship status: "Kalle [my brain-dead boy obsessed cousin] has had many boyfriends, you gotta catch up to her!" "You're not one of those lesbians are you?" "Oh Larissa, it's not your looks that keep them away." "Don't you want a boyfriend? Aren't you miserable without one?" "Don't become one of those ugly hairy-legged feminists that hates men." (These are all direct quotes--I made an effort to write them down as I heard them, assuming I would be able to use them at some point).
With these people, feminism is a dirty word. To them, even the younger generation, a woman's place is in the home. Women can work, but probably shouldn't in order not to emasculate her husband/boyfriend. They see feminists as evil and unhappy women who hate men. But the most unfortunate part of this, is realizing that their views are not isolated, that so many other across out country belief or think in the same ways that my family does. Feminism to many has become a negative word. Most assume the definition of feminism is "women over men" rather than it's real definition: "The social, economic, and political equality between the sexes."
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